2 Girls, 1 Queen

Open Letter to Hugo Chavez

By Aimee Ellis

Dear Hugo,

Hope you’re enjoying your arepa. Eat it while it’s hot. I want to thank for taking time out of your busy schedule promoting socialism and reading Noam Chomsky to come to a movie premiere in NYC right here in the US of A. That is so cool! I was so ecstatic to see that you met Courtney Love while you were here, who is such a nice Jewish girl! Obviously those people who said you were anti-Semitic were sorely mistaken. AND based on this photo, Courtney has clearly planned her plastic surgeries to try and resemble you as much as possible, so she must be a fan of yours, too. Who knew?

In other news, how’s your BFF the “President” of Iran? What’s his name again? Ahmadinadingdong? Good thing you wished him luck with the Iranian election since now he has emerged as the undisputed leader of the great Islamic Republic of Iran. So awesome!!! He holds free elections that resemble what you call freedom of speech in Venezuela I’ve been told. I guess you guys do have a lot of similarities so that must be why you are BFFs.

While you were in the States did you say hi to your nice Jewish girl BFF Media Medea Benjamin? She’s been all about you ever since you invited her to the Presidential Palace. I think I’m starting to see a pattern here Hugo…but wouldn’t all this shmoozin with JAPs make you an Infidel? Cuidado!!!

In any case, I am glad that you are doing well. If your own people don’t actually like you, don’t feel bad because you are real popular with a certain crowd here in San Francisco. They do tend not to actually be Venezuelan but whatevs. They also like to wear tin foil hats and crazy pants, but hey what can I say? These same folks have told me the revolution will be televised by middle aged white guys from the burbs via pirate radio, guerrilla posters and sticker art. All I can say is I’ve been to the World Social Forum you hosted in Caracas, Venezuela in 2006 and seen how “free” your country is with my own two eyes so sure, QUE VIVA CHAVEZ!

xoxo,

Aimee

PS: Evita was super popular and she used to give out free soda pop. Maybe you should try something like that too? Just a little FYI.